KimmyJKing Chad
Essay written as a comment so that I can edit it if I have to.
50 Replies
KimmyJ King Chad
This is an essay I wrote as punishment for ruining a certain masturbating african gentleman's thread. This is made simply so that I can keep my pride as a man of my word. I hope you're happy… fucker.
Rarity, the most beautiful and generous being in all of Equestria. She is intelligent, hard-working, and witty. Although she is very lady-like and proper, she isn't one to be pushed around. If need be, she can handle herself in a fight or a hostage situation. With these redeeming features one would assume she'd be praised as best pony by all bronies, sadly this isn't the case. In this essay, you will learn more about Rarity and why she is such a great character.
Is there anypony else in the wide world of Equestria that would be willing to create twelve original dress designs and give them to her ungrateful friends free of charge? I don't think so. Is there a pony out there who'd sacrifice their own beauty for the happiness of others? Probably not. Like her name suggests, Rarity is a unique case. She is the only pony who has displayed these generous qualities and probably the only pony to ever act in this manner. The things that everypony else does are always for self serving reasons and if they do help somepony they want some kind of reward or gratitude. On one occasion Rarity had vowed to make a birthday dress for Twilight, but got caught up in living her dream as a citizen of high society. Some people were in outrage and spat blasphemy such as "SHE SED SHE WOOD MAK DA DRES BUT SHE GO PARDY WIT RICH PONIEZ INSTAD! WAT A BICH! - xXxCodNoScopeGucciSwagFagxXx". Think about it this way, if you had the chance to live your dream life or make something for someone with no reward, what would you do? And even though she spent most of her time out and about, she still managed to make a dress for her friend.
Among ruffians like Applejack and Rainbow Dash it isn't hard to look beautiful. She doesn't merely surpass their looks slightly, she is head and shoulders above them and all other ponies. I mean, she has the ability to coax nerds into giving her asparagus that they just bought! If a pony who looked like Twilight tried the same thing, she would have failed miserably. This goes to show that Rarity is the most intelligent and beautiful of the bunch. By the way Photo Finish must be fucking blind. How could she seriously pick Fluttershy to be her next model when Rarity is standing right next to her? Anyways, back to cases where Rarity's beauty has helped her. Season 1 episode 7: Dragonshy. Rarity tried to convince a sleeping dragon to move out of it's cave to no avail. Even though she hadn't succeeded in moving the dragon out she was close. Once she had turned the charm up and told the dragon how handsome he was, he was going to take her advice and fly somewhere else. Only when the dragon remembered that he was supposed to be a greedy bastard her plan failed.
I have recently been asking myself, "Why don't more people like Rarity?" . She's smart, funny, and tough; traits that anyone wants to see in a character. But somehow ponies like Rainbow Dash and Derpy are more people's favourite pony. Then it struck me, people like characters that they connect with. There are very few people with the unique qualities of Rarity and they connect better with characters like the superficial and boastful Rainbow Dash. The thing that My Little Pony does that very few kid shows dare to do is show the good and bad sides of a character. People can somehow justify the rude behavior of Fluttershy in 'Putting Your Hoof Down' , but are unwilling to forgive Rarity for the simple dress she made for Twilight. Of all the characters, Rarity is the most complex. It really is a shame that more people can't see past some of her negative aspects and embrace her positive ones. Much to my regret, in the beginning I was a Rarity hater. One weekend I went back and re-watched all of the episodes in two sittings. After viewing the episodes "A Dog and Pony Show" and "Suited for Success" for the second time I had seen the light. Rarity was becoming my favourite pony.
Hypothetical time! If I were to marry Rarity and I had the budget of a billionaire, in what ways would I tend to her every wish and/or financial need. First I would buy a large estate in rural Pennsylvania, that way we'd be within close proximity to the major cities of the Northeast U.S. where some of the worlds greatest shopping centers are located. I would be sure to have a large portion of the house dedicated to her dressmaking if she still wished to pursue that career. In that case I'd also hire a group of illegal aliens to mass produce her dresses. I would also buy the most extravagant armored vehicles I could find. They can only be of the upmost quality and they must be armored to protect Rarity from swarms of cloppers hoping to get at her. Around the perimeter of the estate I'd have a highly trained team of mercenaries to keep the cloppers away from her and I. Eventually the cloppers would breach the defenses and try to rape her and kill me. I would then proceed to the private Chinook helicopter on the roof where we'd make our escape. In a last ditch effort to get to both of us, a single rogue clopper would cling to the bottom of the vehicle. Right when we think we are away from the evil hoard of cloppers for good, the one that clung to the bottom of the helicopter would somehow sneak into the cabin. After a fight to the death, I would return to the pilot seat and continue on our course to Georgia where we would live in exile. Once in Georgia I'd buy a discreet farm house, some flannel shirts, a side by side double barrel shotgun, a 1977 F-150, and a few crates of moonshine. We would then live a simple country lifestyle happily ever after.
P.S. Pinkie Pie is best pony.
KimmyJ King Chad
Replying to Bello: Yeah you right. But there aren't many people who keep to their word anymore. Even over something as frivolous as this, I am trying to break the norm.
AH_Linkin
Replying to KimmyJ: And now you have to do one about rainbow dash and how fucking awesome she is and why shes the best pony
KimmyJ King Chad
Replying to aWSOMN360: If you want me to do one you have to tell me what each paragraph should be about.
aWSOMN360
Replying to KimmyJ:
Paragraph one: Why she is the most caring and kind pony
Paragraph two: Why All the people against her are wrong
Paragraph three: Why she should be in the majority of the episodes in season three
Im sorry if this wast as good as the one FappingBlackGuy wrote. Im not god at giving directions.
Nycole
Replying to aWSOMN360: I don't know how to link a picture!! I clicked on the picture thing and it said URL, so I put in the URL.. it just didn't work!!
aWSOMN360
Replying to Nycole: ok put img in brackets then Url of the image the /img in brackets no space necessary
KimmyJ King Chad
Replying to aWSOMN360: Your what? Instructions? They're ok but I want a hypothetical thrown in there, those are the most fun.
KimmyJ King Chad
Replying to aWSOMN360: Oh no, not this again. Go to this old thread. *This was supposed to be towards Nycole*
I'm very dumb
gutser
Replying to Nycole: go on photobucket upload a photo copy the IMG code paste in text box badaboom
aWSOMN360
Replying to KimmyJ:
Paragraph one: Why she is the most caring and kind pony
Paragraph two: Why All the people against her are wrong
Paragraph three: Why she should be in the majority of the episodes in season three
Paragraph Four: If you ware to take fluttershy on a vacation and you could spend as much as you liked where would you take her and how would the day go.
KimmyJ King Chad
Replying to aWSOMN360: Good job with that reply image... more like REPLY POOPAGE! As uncouth as that language may be, I feel it is most accurate.
aWSOMN360
Replying to KimmyJ: its ok i understand if you don't have time/ just don't want to write it
KimmyJ King Chad
Replying to FappingBlackGuy: Gave me loads of bullshit work that I never did. This thread died, you just brought it back...
FappingBlackGuy OW;TheJosher
Replying to KimmyJ: KimmyJ, I absolve thee of thy obligations to appease those who seek pony essays. Silence I now lay upon the demanding mob, lest they squabble more.
KimmyJ King Chad
Replying to FappingBlackGuy: Your word is the law. I just hope that others will abide by it.
FappingBlackGuy OW;TheJosher
Replying to KimmyJ: If they want pony essays, they don't even need you. So I'm honestly a little surprised that people legitimately asked you to write more for them. If you were a legit writer, a noble scribe of sorts, then it'd make sense if they demanded more if you were privileging them with your literature. But you were just tricked by some niggardly masturbating sir of Afro-American descent.
KimmyJ King Chad
Replying to FappingBlackGuy: Afro-American, I'll have to remember that one. Tricked? Maybe, I just did it to defy odds and break the mold. And to have fun of course.
forcep BANNED
This pleases me greatly
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